Today, I left work at 5:03pm, drove home, fed the animals, let the dog out, got into my jammies, and got in bed.
“Hold on now,” you say. “Isn’t it a red flag when someone with anxiety/depression issues spends an entire evening in bed?”
Short answer: yes. If you notice a friend or family member is having difficulty doing anything but lying in bed, that may be a sign that they should go talk to a doctor. However, for me, this was progress.
This is the first night in ages that I felt completely comfortable in my own company. Most nights, I need to do something – go shopping, clean, knit, bug boyfriend, etc. Sometimes because it needs to be done, but a lot of times to distract from constant over-thinking and bad moods. However, tonight, I felt truly relaxed. I didn’t feel the need to occupy my mind. Instead, I was able to turn my mind off which was lovely. I chilled out in my cozy bed (I’m writing this from bed now to be quite honest), watched 12 episodes of Friends (Bless you, Netflix), played with the cat and dog, and now I’m about to finish the night by reading.
Sure, this time could have been better spent. I could have cooked supper instead of having a bowl of cereal. I could have finished knitting my scarf. But honestly, I think I needed this more than another night of forced productivity. Today, so many of us feel so pressured to be ON all the time. You’re busy at work and/or school. And then you come home and you’re busy with life stuff. And then you have to make dinner plans with this person, and coffee dates with that person, and clean the dishes because your mother is coming to visit. And then, if you’re not breaking into song and dance with happiness, you are judged. So you put on a huge smile and keep going because you feel that you have to. And if there’s anything more exhausting than never having a moment to yourself, it’s pretending to be happy about it.
So tonight I did nothing. And I couldn’t be happier.